Archive for February, 2011

Waylaid on Wayland Part 2: Mirandaaaa!!!

Posted in Session Reports: Other on February 27, 2011 by Carl

The crew of the Bottom Line, with defective maintenance droid Q-BRT-01 (Richard) in tow, head for Jazz’s Cantina. Not surprisingly this turns out to be a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Novak decides the best way to track down Somethingsomething Ash is to turn a profit selling grade A Scofulax to the locals. The buyer (think Bungle, who’s let himself go and caught AIDS) turns out to know very little. Craft goes all weird-batshit on the barman, freaking him out good and proper. Q-Bert does little to defuse the situation.  Spex (Jo) attracts the attention of a couple of bony-arsed scrubbers (Cointreau  and Chardonnay) and the captain is getting stuck in to some viscous alien booze.

A group of likely-looking lowlifes mistake the crew for easy marks and invite them to join their game of Space Tiles (patent pending). Spex cleans up, and is soon in deep negotiation with the aforementioned scrubbers for a night of stomach-turning 4-way action involving the three of them and at least one of the mangy bear-like aliens.

Then Pan the ever-optimistic engineer name-drops Pro-Syndi Ash, and thing take a turn for the nasty.In short order Niles goes ninja on an approaching bruiser, Spex blows a lizard-bouncer’s head clean off, and the place erupts into a full bar-room brawl.

The captain, several sheets to the wind, takes this opportunity to go postal. He opens up with Lila in full auto, mowing down bouncers and innocent civilians alike. Spex hits a bouncer with Chardonnay, Pan makes a quick exit and hails a drone-cab, and pretty soon the bar has cleared apart from Captain Cordona, kneeling amidst the blood an booze, cradling his heavy blaster  and wailing “Miraandaaa!!! Whyyyy???” Cue flashback montage of Cordona and Miranda running along beaches, painting the nursery etc.

Thankfully the crew make it out before the rozzers arrive, Spex following the main group in another cab, along with two star-whores and a moulting bear. But there is some good news; in the chaos of the battle Pan and Novak have succeeded in unearthing one of Ash’s hideouts: warehouse pad 14.

The following morning the crew head out to the warehouse, and break in. Well, all except the captain, who is still not fully recovered. He heads for the nearest bar, with Niles in tow.

In the warehouse the crew trigger a motion sensor (which Q-Bert decides to interface with), and within moments a flatbed truck laden with robot goons is roaring towards the warehouse. In a desperate attempt to boost ratings Spex and Pan build a ridiculously cute robot, sending it out of the warehouse and into a hail of gunfire. A huge gun battle ensues, which sees Pan invent a wind-up anti-robo ray, and features Niles and the captain arriving in the nick of time to heroically blast everything in sight.

The robotic truck driver attempts to purge its hard drive, including (the crew hope) the location of Ash’s secret base. But with some quick thinking Q-Bert hacks the driver and downloads the crucial data. And not a moment too soon; sensors detect multiple incoming robo-laden trucks; it’s time to flee!

Next Session: Friday 25th February

Posted in General on February 23, 2011 by Carl

After last week’s failure to launch it’s high time our brave crew got back to doing what they do best; getting shot at and running away. This week we will be visiting Wayland’s cultural epicentre.

Who’s in?

Next Session: Friday 18th February

Posted in General on February 17, 2011 by Carl

More tales of the space lanes are in the offing assuming Russell is available. Let’s have a show of hands please.

Waylaid on Wayland Part 1: Taking out the Trash

Posted in Session Reports: Other on February 12, 2011 by Carl

The intrepid crew of the Bottom Line are on yet another slightly shady cargo run. Captain Cordona (Charlie) orders the ship out of warp-speed as they approach the planet Wayland, only for pervert pilot Spex (Stefan) to find himself in the middle of a dog fight with two unidentified fighters. Some physics-defying engine tweaks from the eternally optimistic engineer Pan Gloss  (Jules), fancy flying from Spex and some fancy shooting from gunner Niles “Woah man, the trails on that were AWESOME” Craft (Sean) soon see off the enemy. But not before medic Sal Novak (Carl) has been tossed about the ship’s interior a few times, and has discovered that the on-board missiles cost 10,000 creds a pop. Thoughtfully he stows some spares in his medical bag.

The ship lands at space dock 4352, and with some fast talking the crew are past customs and on their way through the smoggy cityscape to a rendezvous with their contact.

The meeting takes place in a large warehouse. The contact proves to be local bigwig Nagan Jatha who is very happy with the deal; he now has a significant bribe for use in local elections. Just then the party is crashed by a unit of droids, who open fire on the crew and the locals alike. The battle is brief and pretty one sided; with the aid of a mag-crane, Craft’s buzz-knucks and a liberal dose of blaster fire the droids go down.

But this is just the first wave; scores more droids land and surround the crew, forcing surrender. A cyborg strides forward from their ranks with a sneer and fine line in arch-enemy patter. “Pro-Syndi Ash! Only you would be so bold!” cries Jatha, in fury.

It turns out Ash is Jatha’s political rival. Ash has his robot minions steal the bribe and then dumps the crew in a gravitic trash compactor, tossing the not inconsiderable bulk of Jatha in on top of them.

Novak injects Jatha with adrenaline and homophobia to get him off the crew. Then Craft and Gloss locate an override switch, remove the cover and start work deactivating it. Novak, ever the chancer, guesses that random button mashing is likely to help, and in fairness he doesn’t get them all killed. Then the captain takes command, and blasts the override with his trusty sidearm Lila. Astonishingly, this does the trick, and in one bound the crew are free.

Jotha is in a rage, but calms down long enough to employ the Bottom Line’s crew to track down Ash and take him out of the political race for good. By which he means kill him. Dead. Next stop a local wretched hive of scum and villainy…

Next Session: Friday Febuary 11th

Posted in General on February 7, 2011 by Carl

A new setting begins this week. Let’s have your votes for the setting you prefer. And Jo, this is a perfect time to hop back into the group!

Deathwatch: Black Piglet 16

Posted in Session Reports: Other on February 6, 2011 by Carl

The marines press on into the underground complex, discovering a servitor operating a set of consoles. Alistair the tech marine interfaces with it, turning off the security systems and gathering some useful intel.

We move into a huge cavern and swiftly dispatch a team of Iron Warriors, before encountering the big bad (or so we think), Lord Malkerius, along with a gang of grunts and a huge cage. Much to Sean’s horror Makradon and his heavy bolter take the big guy down in a hail of hi ex, leaving one crazed grunt just barely able to get to the huge cage and release the bolt.

What steps out causes a number of grown space marines to pass out, upchuck in their helmets or squeal like little girls. Only Speedneedle’s bellowed commands keep the Makradon on his feet. It’s a Daemon Prince, beautifully painted but rather cross.

Things don’t start too well. Alistair just barely parries a blow that would have cut him in two. Quintus’ weapon jams, and Speedneedle’s fire seems to have no effect. Sigismund shoves a grenade into the corpse of Lord Malkerius, which unfortunately drops some sort of mystical dagger right at the monster’s feet. The bad guy picks up the blade and goes all purple-glowy: not a good sign.

We throw everything we have at the monster, but it effortlessly takes out Sigismund, and only sustained combined firepower eventually causes the creature to shimmer and vanish back to whatever hellish dimension spawned it. Phew, we’ve won. Oh, hang on…

The last remaining grunt, who turns out to be General Sikkarius, opens up Alistair from kettle to codpiece with a mono-edged blade. Speedneedle returns the favour by turning the General into pink puree. All bad guys down. Our entire team are only upright on adrenaline and orneriness. Just another day at the office.

We locate and recover the precious gene seeds of our fallen brethren, then it’s all back to base for cocoa and cock. Apparently. Mission accomplished!

Next session: Friday February 4th

Posted in General on February 3, 2011 by Carl

Time for more mechanised marine mayhem, courtesy of Sean. My place, usual time; are we all in?