Waylaid on Wayland Part 2: Mirandaaaa!!!

The crew of the Bottom Line, with defective maintenance droid Q-BRT-01 (Richard) in tow, head for Jazz’s Cantina. Not surprisingly this turns out to be a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Novak decides the best way to track down Somethingsomething Ash is to turn a profit selling grade A Scofulax to the locals. The buyer (think Bungle, who’s let himself go and caught AIDS) turns out to know very little. Craft goes all weird-batshit on the barman, freaking him out good and proper. Q-Bert does little to defuse the situation.  Spex (Jo) attracts the attention of a couple of bony-arsed scrubbers (Cointreau  and Chardonnay) and the captain is getting stuck in to some viscous alien booze.

A group of likely-looking lowlifes mistake the crew for easy marks and invite them to join their game of Space Tiles (patent pending). Spex cleans up, and is soon in deep negotiation with the aforementioned scrubbers for a night of stomach-turning 4-way action involving the three of them and at least one of the mangy bear-like aliens.

Then Pan the ever-optimistic engineer name-drops Pro-Syndi Ash, and thing take a turn for the nasty.In short order Niles goes ninja on an approaching bruiser, Spex blows a lizard-bouncer’s head clean off, and the place erupts into a full bar-room brawl.

The captain, several sheets to the wind, takes this opportunity to go postal. He opens up with Lila in full auto, mowing down bouncers and innocent civilians alike. Spex hits a bouncer with Chardonnay, Pan makes a quick exit and hails a drone-cab, and pretty soon the bar has cleared apart from Captain Cordona, kneeling amidst the blood an booze, cradling his heavy blaster  and wailing “Miraandaaa!!! Whyyyy???” Cue flashback montage of Cordona and Miranda running along beaches, painting the nursery etc.

Thankfully the crew make it out before the rozzers arrive, Spex following the main group in another cab, along with two star-whores and a moulting bear. But there is some good news; in the chaos of the battle Pan and Novak have succeeded in unearthing one of Ash’s hideouts: warehouse pad 14.

The following morning the crew head out to the warehouse, and break in. Well, all except the captain, who is still not fully recovered. He heads for the nearest bar, with Niles in tow.

In the warehouse the crew trigger a motion sensor (which Q-Bert decides to interface with), and within moments a flatbed truck laden with robot goons is roaring towards the warehouse. In a desperate attempt to boost ratings Spex and Pan build a ridiculously cute robot, sending it out of the warehouse and into a hail of gunfire. A huge gun battle ensues, which sees Pan invent a wind-up anti-robo ray, and features Niles and the captain arriving in the nick of time to heroically blast everything in sight.

The robotic truck driver attempts to purge its hard drive, including (the crew hope) the location of Ash’s secret base. But with some quick thinking Q-Bert hacks the driver and downloads the crucial data. And not a moment too soon; sensors detect multiple incoming robo-laden trucks; it’s time to flee!

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3 Responses to “Waylaid on Wayland Part 2: Mirandaaaa!!!”

  1. Noooooo! I missed the BAR scene…all that porn 😦

  2. Russell Bannister Says:

    Carl,
    Thanks for the comprehensive session report.

    All,
    I apologise if the session was a little slow, I will try harder next time. I’m not sure these scenes will make it into the movie without heavy editing to allow it to keep a 12 certificate, but they will probably find their way onto the internet where the one with the Captain going postal will become a fan favourite.

    Next session you meet mumblemumble Ash and presumably give him summary space justice.

  3. Nothing slow about it, I had a fantastic time. More of the same next session please 🙂

    I’m holding out for the Director’s Cut.

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