Archive for March, 2011

Next Session: Friday 1st May

Posted in General on March 30, 2011 by Carl

No RP for me this week I’m afraid, work is decidedly in the way. And I think I still need a lie down after last week.

However if that there Jules is game it’s all round to his place for shit n’ giggles. Who’s in? And who’s running what?


Icons: Mars Attacks

Posted in Session Reports: Other on March 26, 2011 by Carl

The genius of Martian science has been applied to the problem of infiltrating planet earth, and has conceived the Bots, mechanised simulacrums of earth beings capable of transporting our Martian bodies undetected within.

Our infiltration team is as follows:

Our mission is to destroy the human Death Ray located in Pa-Ris that threatens our mothership, and to destroy the Great Anal Probe situated in Lon-Don. All hail the Supreme Martian!

We arrive in a location designated Ger-Many, where we encounter indigenous life forms. Nyaak’s Fear of Animals causes him to cower and tremble, and for some reason the earth being does not seem to have a positive reaction to Communications Officer Blaark. Zeeksh attempts to utilise the creature as transport, preventing it from escaping by melting its eyes. We discover an inert Tripod that Blaark animates, the captain commandeers a transportation device after having its fuel drained, and we capture and destroy an earth being in an assault vehicle.

We locate a transportation route and intercept an earth vehicle. One of the occupants emerges and moves to attack Blaark with its anal probe. The creature is swiftly dispatched. Next Yazar, using his Affinity for Children, attempts to interrogate the smaller vehicular occupants. Blaark’s telepathy reveals that Blaark’s form is that of a powerful Earth Prince, but also indicates that the earth young are corrupted, favouring a different branch of earth royalty.

We commandeer the vehicle, and with the aid of Nyaak’s mental possession powers we are soon clear of other earth vehicles. Our Captain destroys an earth border checkpoint (Nya-ha-ha!), and we soon arrive in Pa-Ris. There we find 8 whirlyblues waiting for us. Yazark moves the vehicle into a dimension of dancing mushroom, green pipes and plumbers, but we are forced to leave when a large monkey starts hurling barrels at us. However the dimensional shift has got us past the whirlyblues, who start to fire at us with puny earther weapons.

Nyaak possesses one whirlyblue and has it shoot its compatriots, whilst Yazark hangs one of the captured earth  young out of the back window to serve as a shield. We reach our first goal; the Death Ray is protected by a group of earth beings, some with shoulder mounted weapons, and one earth female with an anal probe. Nyaak possesses the female and has it use the probe on itself.

The captain deploys his Demoleculiser on the alien Death Ray which demoleculises, to the great surprise of the earther occupants. Objective One complete! As the captain rightly says, “Ha! Ha! Nya-ha-ha!”

Now a long-nosed earther vehicle attacks. Blaark animates the vehicle, causing its occupants to get shot out of the nose, and after some modifications we fly the vehicle over the big blue area towards the Great Anal Probe. We are attacked by two earther flying vehicles and soon see them off, though we lose the Construction Bot in the process. However we now face a graver challenge; we are losing altitude having used up the last of the earth being fuel and earth young. The pilot dimensional shifts us to a place of clouds and rainbow bridges, where we are approached by a large earth being in armour with a spear. The pilot draws the obvious conclusion; this is a pole dancer. It’s a dance-off!

Next we raid an earth being “theme park” for more fuel, then fly to the Great Anal Probe, which the captain inverts with his Invertorisor (much to the occupants’ surprise). The Probe is tipped and crashes down, opening the path for the mighty Martian invasion fleet to swoop down on the hapless earthers. Nya-Ha-ha-ha-ha-haa!

Which all goes to prove, never EVER give your players control of reality.

Next Session: Friday March 25th

Posted in General on March 21, 2011 by Carl

After Sean’s masterful zombie one-shot last week, who fancies taking on the DMing reigns? My place for the usual time, who’s in and who wants to play what?

All Flesh Must Be Eaten: Brains for Beaumont

Posted in Session Reports: Other on March 21, 2011 by Carl

There have been a spate of bloody murders in Benson in the past few weeks. Now two young girls have gone missing and Detective Damien Mustafa (new arrival Martin) is assigned the case. Along with his partner Dean Kowalski (Charlie) he arrives at the crime scene and interviews the officer on site, deputy Clayton, who proves to be:

  • A good ol’ boy
  • Recently bereaved
  • Incapable of distinguishing the words “Mustafa” and “Obama”

Clayton’s day just keeps on getting better; now local TV journo Madison Cruz (Jo) arrives, poking her damned nose in. Shee-it. Doreen, where’s that damned coffee?

Father Augustus Grieve (Jules)  is already at the house, consoling the parents Herb and Pearl. He decides to poke around the girls’ bedroom, where he is certain he detects hints of the cloven hoof at work. See how the air turns icy cold? The desk drawer rattles alarmingly, though it contains naught but a child’s picture? ‘Tis the horned one’s machinations, of that you can be sure. Detective Obama remains unimpressed; Grieve is disrupting his pristine crime scene.

Now a hairy-arsed biker sticks his head through the window. Is this a crime scene or a Village People reunion? The biker, it turns out, is Cody “Skunk-knuckle” Kowalski, brother of officer Dean and leader of the Benson Chapter of the Hogfuckers biker gang. And the owner of Bessie and Sue, the two finest bloodhounds in the state.

Then- holy shit! The bed lifts right up off the floor and slams down again. Satan’s work! The group high-tail it out of there and follow the dogs, who lead them to the grave of one Jarvis Beaumont, Cody’s high school buddy and the victim of a grisly murder several years ago. And look, there he is, all rotting and spectral in the distance. No, hang on, he’s gone again. What’s that Doreen? Deputy Clayton’s acting a bit odd? We’ll be right there, once we’ve done digging up consecrated ground and crashing into fire hydrants.

Oh dear. Herb and Pearl seem to have gone a bit necrotic. Doesn’t stop them from munching on the good Detective though. Zom nom nom. Time for some good old fashioned excessive violence; zombie brains paint the walls.

Now where is that Clayton? Back at the cemetery? We’re off! And so are Clayton’s companions. There he is, huddled and soiled, as the recent murder victims (his dear old mom included) rise from their graves to eat his brains. And there, leading the whole sick crew, are the rotting remains of Jarvis Beaumont.

Cody races in on his bike, demanding that Jarvis tell him where the girls are. Ms Cruz beats at zombies with her laptop, Damien fires from behind cover (the big girl), Dean “hard man walks” (apparently) and Father Grieve calls down HOLY FIRE upon the spawn of darkness. Then Cody is struck by a vision; Clayton, Herb and others murdering poor simple Jarvis all those years ago. Fury  and revenge have called Jarvis from his grave. Fair enough shrugs Cody, and shoves deputy Clayton towards Jarvis. Father Grieve knows suddenly that the girls are safe at home. Guns go off, confusion reigns, and when the dust settles Beaumont is gone, and deputy Clayton lies dead in the dirt.

Next Session Friday 18th March

Posted in General on March 16, 2011 by Carl

No Stefan. No Russell. No Richard. Who’s in? What are we playing? Anyone up for the challenge of a oneshot RP session? Sean, Zombies? Jules, psuedo-biblical shenaningans? Charlie, how about some 40k themed inaugral DMing? Or do we fancy more board gaming? I can recommend a few. Whatever we do, let’s get together, drink beer and play games.

Dr Pandemic

Posted in Session Reports: Other on March 16, 2011 by Carl

Reduced to a lowly three, it was time for Sean, Charlie and I to break out Pandemic. The combined might of the World Health Organisation could take on a few piddling disease outbreaks right? Well, no.

Having been handed a solid beating by the game we then tried again, this time using the patented Dr who retheme. Where we had failed to fight off the black death and scarlet fever, surely Daleks and Cybermen would prove easier adverseries. No such luck, we took a tonking the second time too.

Next Session: Friday March 11th

Posted in General on March 9, 2011 by Carl

All back to mine to prove that hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side. Am I right?